Sometimes I wonder if all this will be worth it at the end. If only I can comprehend why so much pain. They told me there was a price to pay, who knew the price was/is so costly.

So I'm back home, it's interesting and complicated. Sad but Happy at the same time. Been really nervous in returning but I know that whatever happens, it happens. I just wish to be different in every way from now on. No more distractions and implications of giving up. I just wish things would go differently. Today starts day 1 of recuperation. The journey begins...

To whom it may concern...

Don't know what to do, where to go, and what to say. Words have had enough. Cloudy Skies can't express, windy storms can't illustrate. Tears have dried, and still not a word. Still no clue. It's like screaming so loud no one can listen. Alone? Empty? Hopeless? And still the silence.

It is said in silence You speak and in cries You respond. Where am I? Waiting... But still don't have a clue what to do. Tired? Weak? Patient? And still not a clue. When I point to You it seems like no one is there. Just can't comprehend You. Some call You, Great, Mighty, Strong, Worthy, Powerful. I called You... but no answer. I wrote but no response. I cried and no rescue. What am I suppose to learn from this pain? My name You gave, and yet I can't ignore. Answer when your ready, I'll still be waiting.

Me.

Wow, seriously sometimes it's really hard to understand some stuff it's really odd. I don't know about anybody else or something but I think it just so happens that we try to think we know what's going on but still we don't. I guess having everything planned out can be a little caotic but living in the moment is so dangerous just because you don't know what's happening next. No worries and no regrets until something bad happens.

I know it's kinda bad to be jealous but really how can't u be when people around you are driven to live by the moment and your to scared to make a mistake. I guess it's true what people say, you live life by making mistakes. Buy reallly, at what cost?? I've done to many mistakes to commit another stupid one, awwww......

It's frustrating to me trying to be different when I just can't even be myself..... Just hope ONE day there is a change that I can see in myself.

"My people are ruined because they don't know what's right and truth." -Hosea 4:6, The Message. No wonder we are in chaos.

It's very simple to understand how the very fact that we don't seek knowledge leads to truly find out what's truth and what's right... "For the lack of knowledge my people perish." wow....